ceiphiedknight: (OUAT - Rumbelle kiss)
[personal profile] ceiphiedknight
Things in my life have always had a magical way of working out.

Just when I need it most, there is a brand new book or movie or song or TV show to distract me from depression and anxiety. When I was a child, loneliness was my enemy. It was just me, an only child, with very few friends. Back then, I gave my all to the things that brought me joy. I threw every ounce of attention and imagination into my favorite songs and cartoons. I made up music videos in my head and I truly believed, as only a child can, that I could go to some magical land where I could be more than I am. Queen of some cartoon kingdom, living among my favorite characters. I would be able to sing and dance effortlessly, and do all of the things I couldn't do in the real world.

I would lose myself in books. I became a fan of horror when I was probably too young to be exposed to that sort of thing. I believed in ghosts and curses and carnivorous aliens, because life couldn't possibly be so dull that this is all there is to it.

When I was in middle school, and I was all alone with not a single friend, I accidentally discovered Star Trek. Suddenly the entire future was my playground. A world of peace and kindness and exploration was intoxicating to a girl who was painfully alone and mercilessly teased at school on a daily basis.

In high school, it was anime. I watched a lot of powerful women fight for peace and love and justice. They were just like me in so many ways. High school students, mostly, but caught up in magic and fate and powers so much greater than they ever thought possible.

And so it has been for my entire life. Whenever things are at their worst, something new comes along right in the nick of time. This is escapism at its finest, but without it I might not even be alive now to write about it.

But I'm still here, and I'm still living my own fairy tale. My husband may not wear armor, but he's still my hero. My friends don't owe me a blood debt, but they have been by my side through some drama epic enough for a book or anime. And they have done it because they want to, not because they have to.

I have even faced my share of villains, but they have never been able to destroy my tenacity.

Though I still lose myself in fiction, it is no longer lost on me that my own life is actually worth living. Maybe this is simply due to age and experience…but I'm writing my own story. It's still sad sometimes, and there are a lot of hardships, but I'm holding out for that happy ending.

The glass slipper still fits, and I'm dancing.
Page 1 of 2 << [1] [2] >>

Date: 2014-03-29 08:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] i-will-not-say.livejournal.com
I'm glad you've realized you have a life worth living. I hope you get your happy ending. :)

Date: 2014-03-29 10:51 pm (UTC)

Date: 2014-03-29 09:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] penpusher.livejournal.com
I commiserate with your Onliness and do relate to much of what you said!

I have to admit that the Cinderella happy ending is a bit of a tweak, because yes she danced but she danced on glass, and does that say something about the pain in the victory? Or maybe I'm reading too much into it!

Date: 2014-03-29 10:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
No, you're right! But at least it's not broken glass. Though if I lived my life like John McClane, I'd be exceptionally badass. I always wondered just how comfortable glass slippers could be, though.

Date: 2014-03-29 09:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] basric.livejournal.com
It was interesting and I enjoyed reading it.

Date: 2014-03-29 10:51 pm (UTC)

Date: 2014-03-29 11:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] liliannabelle.livejournal.com
Thanks for this, it helped me reframe my own life--I mean, I'm still here, so maybe things did come through in the nick of time?

Date: 2014-03-29 11:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Well, I'm glad you're still here! Sometimes things have a way of working out even when we try our hardest to sabotage them.

Date: 2014-03-29 11:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] similiesslip.livejournal.com
That last line is SO perfect :) I have "lost myself" in Star Trek before. I am glad you have found good ways to cope that do not hurt anyone else :)

Date: 2014-03-30 01:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Thank you! I still love Star Trek to this day, it means so much to me because of what it has done for me.

Date: 2014-03-29 11:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] i-love-freddie.livejournal.com
A nice piece. I enjoyed reading it.

Date: 2014-03-30 01:06 pm (UTC)

Date: 2014-03-30 02:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kandigurl.livejournal.com
Entertainment can be such a powerful form of healing. I don't know if I would have made it through high school without Buffy. :) I can relate to this.

Date: 2014-03-30 01:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Yep, I'm from the Buffy generation as well. I had friends who were really into it. But I think while other kids were watching that, my best friend and I were watching The X-Files. As I said, there always seems to be something that comes along and provides a much needed distraction!

Date: 2014-03-30 02:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] i-17bingo.livejournal.com

I still live in kind of a fantasy life (anyone who looks in my head when I drive is probably going to be scared to live in the same city as me and my car), which is fine. What bothers me about it are those in power who don't see anything other than "Good" and "Evil." That's dangerous, and many, many people die.

Bummer response... sorry.

Date: 2014-03-30 09:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
It's okay. Bummer is in the eye of the beholder.

Date: 2014-03-30 09:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] solstice-singer.livejournal.com
Keep holding out for that happy ending. Real life is rarely as glamorous as a fairytale, but it can be worth living.

Date: 2014-03-30 10:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
I'm trying! :)

Date: 2014-03-31 01:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] star-healer.livejournal.com
I can definitely relate... I was always one of the "daydreamer" types to go get caught up in fantasy worlds in an entirely escapist fashion. :P And I am still like that in a lot of ways, I think. :)

Date: 2014-03-31 03:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kecharasmoon.livejournal.com
I liked this a lot. Though I'm glad mine is a comfy tennis shoe and not actual glass lol.

Date: 2014-03-31 06:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Thank you! Technically mine are usually comfy shoes with special inserts, lol. But imagery is important!

Date: 2014-03-31 04:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tatdatcm.livejournal.com
I love your last paragraph and the self-realization it contains. Your final line is perfect.

Date: 2014-03-31 06:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Thank you very much!

Date: 2014-03-31 12:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] waltzmatildah.livejournal.com
This is a lovely entry :)

Date: 2014-03-31 06:32 pm (UTC)

Date: 2014-03-31 06:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] halfshellvenus.livejournal.com
What a nice transition, to be IN the world rather than escaping from it. It's a completely different kind of life.

Date: 2014-03-31 08:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Well, I'd be lying if I said I didn't still escape sometimes. :)

Date: 2014-04-01 04:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] majesticarky.livejournal.com
I have a lot in common with you! Also started with Star Trek and moved to anime as a teen.

Date: 2014-04-01 03:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
It's nice to not be alone. :)

Date: 2014-04-01 05:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mari4212.livejournal.com
Beautifully written.

Date: 2014-04-01 03:49 pm (UTC)

Date: 2014-04-01 03:29 pm (UTC)
ext_224364: (Default)
From: [identity profile] x-disturbed-x.livejournal.com
This sounds just like me and I've just stopped trying to escape.

Date: 2014-04-01 03:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
I'm glad that people have been able to relate. :)

Date: 2014-04-01 06:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beautyofgrey.livejournal.com
I do adore your last line. :)

Date: 2014-04-01 08:24 pm (UTC)

Date: 2014-04-01 08:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rayaso.livejournal.com
The pain of your childhood is palpable. I'm glad you were able to reach the dance.

Date: 2014-04-01 08:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Thank you. Though I do trip sometimes. Quite a lot, actually.

Date: 2014-04-01 08:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] karmasoup.livejournal.com
I love it when geek/nerd culture comes to the rescue!

Date: 2014-04-01 09:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Geeks to the rescue!

Date: 2014-04-01 10:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ghosted.livejournal.com
Things always feel for me, in retrospect, like they came along at "just the right time" but of course they did, because the only wrong time would be not at all. If that makes sense? Anyway, I liked this piece. It spoke to me a lot. And reminded me of when I was in The Worst Place of my Entire Life, and got through it mostly by reading A Song of Ice and Fire. Fiction is better therapy than some of my therapists have been.

Date: 2014-04-02 12:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Agreed. What I like to call escapism is sometimes a lot more helpful (at least to me) than blubbering my issues to someone.

Date: 2014-04-01 11:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eska818.livejournal.com
Forgive my french, but I fucking loved this. There's no other way to say it! Also, I relate, nearly completely - aside from having a husband. But maybe someday!

Beautifully written. :)

Date: 2014-04-02 12:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Thank you so much! And your French is excused, I take casual swearing to all new levels. I'm just not always sure of who my audience is, lol.

Date: 2014-04-02 02:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eternal-ot.livejournal.com
You have been lucky..:) and god bless you!

Date: 2014-04-02 06:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Thank you. :)

Date: 2014-04-02 07:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n3m3sis43.livejournal.com
I related to this a lot.

Date: 2014-04-02 11:21 pm (UTC)

Date: 2014-04-03 02:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ecosopher.livejournal.com
That is a lovely last line.

Date: 2014-04-03 04:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Thank you very much!
Page 1 of 2 << [1] [2] >>
Page generated Sep. 19th, 2017 11:44 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios