ceiphiedknight: (Elsa - let it go)
[personal profile] ceiphiedknight
It has been very hard for me to write for nearly a year now.

To be honest with you, and I try my hardest to be honest even when it hurts, I've been fighting a losing battle that I hope to overcome with LJ Idol.

After more visits to doctors than I am able to count, I've finally been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I complained of pain, especially in the joints, as far back as last April. Then came the itchy spots, chronic fatigue, and "brain fog." I was tested for everything under the sun, but it all came back negative. At that time, the neurological symptoms were the most frightening. I've always been a writer, but suddenly I was unable to come up with the words I wanted to say. A huge vocabulary at my disposal, and suddenly it was like having a computer file that I simply couldn't access.

I was determined to get a diagnoses, but that all went to the wayside when I found out that my gallbladder was failing. After the appropriate testing, I found out that it was only working at 26% and was therefore causing me a lot of pain after every meal, and I was unable to process certain foods properly. I was constantly sick to my stomach.

In June of last year, I had my gallbladder removed. But that's neither here nor there. It was after surgery that I began to notice the overall muscle and joint pain again...and it was getting worse.

No one really knows what causes Fibromyalgia, but I find it quite a coincidence that I've found so many anecdotal recollections of chronic pain after surgery in some people. So you go in and get cut open in the hopes of feeling better, and possibly come down with pain for the rest of your life? Sounds like a shit deal to me.

Anyway, at this time I'm highly medicated but I want to do my best to get my mind working again. I still have brain fog sometimes, and some days I'm bedridden, but I don't want this condition to steal away the essence of who I am.

I've been trying to restore my mind by reading one literary classic per month for this entire year. I've finally read "Frankenstein" and "Jane Eyre." I'm currently working on "Pride and Prejudice."

But this contest is going to be the true test.

I am Cristi, and I am more than the sum of my parts.
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Knight of Ceiphied

March 2016

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