ceiphiedknight: (Elsa - let it go)
[personal profile] ceiphiedknight
It has been very hard for me to write for nearly a year now.

To be honest with you, and I try my hardest to be honest even when it hurts, I've been fighting a losing battle that I hope to overcome with LJ Idol.

After more visits to doctors than I am able to count, I've finally been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I complained of pain, especially in the joints, as far back as last April. Then came the itchy spots, chronic fatigue, and "brain fog." I was tested for everything under the sun, but it all came back negative. At that time, the neurological symptoms were the most frightening. I've always been a writer, but suddenly I was unable to come up with the words I wanted to say. A huge vocabulary at my disposal, and suddenly it was like having a computer file that I simply couldn't access.

I was determined to get a diagnoses, but that all went to the wayside when I found out that my gallbladder was failing. After the appropriate testing, I found out that it was only working at 26% and was therefore causing me a lot of pain after every meal, and I was unable to process certain foods properly. I was constantly sick to my stomach.

In June of last year, I had my gallbladder removed. But that's neither here nor there. It was after surgery that I began to notice the overall muscle and joint pain again...and it was getting worse.

No one really knows what causes Fibromyalgia, but I find it quite a coincidence that I've found so many anecdotal recollections of chronic pain after surgery in some people. So you go in and get cut open in the hopes of feeling better, and possibly come down with pain for the rest of your life? Sounds like a shit deal to me.

Anyway, at this time I'm highly medicated but I want to do my best to get my mind working again. I still have brain fog sometimes, and some days I'm bedridden, but I don't want this condition to steal away the essence of who I am.

I've been trying to restore my mind by reading one literary classic per month for this entire year. I've finally read "Frankenstein" and "Jane Eyre." I'm currently working on "Pride and Prejudice."

But this contest is going to be the true test.

I am Cristi, and I am more than the sum of my parts.

Date: 2014-03-06 02:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adoptedwriter.livejournal.com
Welcome and good luck to you! AW

Date: 2014-03-06 02:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Thank you, good luck to you as well!

Date: 2014-03-06 02:41 am (UTC)
ext_224364: (Default)
From: [identity profile] x-disturbed-x.livejournal.com
The symptoms listed sound exactly like the ones my wife has. I'm glad you finally got a diagnosis!

Date: 2014-03-06 02:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Fibro is really hard to diagnose, and it usually comes after all other possibilities are ruled out. At first they thought I had Lyme, but that came back negative. For the longest time I thought I simply had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and then my doctor wanted me tested for narcolepsy! It's all very frustrating. I hope your wife finds her answer, too.

Date: 2014-03-06 03:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ljidolvillian.livejournal.com
Wishing a return to health to you.

Date: 2014-03-06 02:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Thank you very much!

Date: 2014-03-06 04:06 am (UTC)
ext_61905: (Default)
From: [identity profile] shay-writes.livejournal.com
I've been living with Fibromyalgia for some time now. I was diagnosed in 2004. I understand how terrible it can be.

*gentle hugs*

Date: 2014-03-06 02:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
*gentle hugs back*

The only reason I knew about the condition over a decade ago is because I had a friend whose mother suffered from it. Before that, though, I had never heard of it. There wasn't a lot of awareness back then. At least it's more recognized now. I just never thought in a million years that I'd actually have it. I wish you luck with yours.

Date: 2014-03-06 06:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sarcasmoqueen.livejournal.com
Welcome. Best of luck with your health issues.

Date: 2014-03-06 06:02 pm (UTC)

Date: 2014-03-06 06:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] deza.livejournal.com
It feels good to finally have a name for what's wrong, doesn't it? Have you read Spoon Theory? I use that a lot when explaining what a chronic illness does to the body.

Date: 2014-03-06 06:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Yes, exactly! And I love the Spoon Theory. I've been known to tell my husband that I'm out of spoons. Sadly, I know a lot of people who suffer from chronic pain.

Date: 2014-03-06 09:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] witches.livejournal.com
I'm looking forward to reading more from you and I wish you lots of luck re; your health. *hugs*

Date: 2014-03-06 09:41 pm (UTC)

Date: 2014-03-06 09:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theun4givables.livejournal.com
Welcome to Idol. :) I hope you find your words.<3

Date: 2014-03-06 09:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Thank you so much! I actually did participate once before, back in 2012. Which is, of course, before all of the health stuff went to hell. I was under a writing journal called [personal profile] ceiphiedknight but I don't have the patience nor the willpower to sign in and out of two different accounts this time. So that journal has been abandoned.

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Date: 2014-03-07 01:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] solstice-singer.livejournal.com
It's nice to have you here. Good luck this season, and with your health as well.

Date: 2014-03-07 05:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Thank you. :)

Date: 2014-03-07 12:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kehlen-crow.livejournal.com
Hello and nice to meet you.

That thing your wrote about surgery was sadly true with my mother. Apparently after the invasion the body tries to heal itself, and sometimes does weird things that make it worse in other areas.

Medicated weird writings are sometimes the best. But I hope you get better soon.

Date: 2014-03-07 05:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Thank you, nice to meet you too. :) Yeah, according to my doctor there has been a connection between Fibro and surgeries, but I haven't been able to find anything conclusive on it. My best friend's little sister actually got it after having her gallbladder out, as well. And she's 10 years younger than me.

Date: 2014-03-08 04:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lrig-rorrim.livejournal.com
Welcome, and it's nice to meet you. :)

It's incredibly hard to have your words locked up like that - I really hope LJI helps to give you the key to access them again.

Date: 2014-03-09 12:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Thank you, and nice to meet you too. :)

Date: 2014-03-09 12:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] penpusher.livejournal.com
Sending many good wishes for good health and good writing!

Overcome the obstacles and stay you. That advice is for everyone, including me!

Date: 2014-03-09 12:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Thank you! And that is, indeed, very good advice.

Date: 2014-03-09 01:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] muchtooarrogant.livejournal.com
Good to meet you, and I look forward to reading your entries this season.

Dan

Date: 2014-03-10 02:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Nice to meet you as well, thank you!

Date: 2014-03-09 02:51 pm (UTC)
ext_273745: (Default)
From: [identity profile] goldmourn.livejournal.com
Illness sucks. I can appreciate this though: "I still have brain fog sometimes, and some days I'm bedridden, but I don't want this condition to steal away the essence of who I am." Good for you.

I loved 'Jane Eyre' - it was one of my favourite classic reads.

Date: 2014-03-10 02:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Thank you!

And "Jane Eyre" took me completely by surprise. I didn't know what to expect with it, and it was so much better than I thought it would be!

Date: 2014-03-10 03:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kajel.livejournal.com
Welcome back and good luck.

Date: 2014-03-10 03:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Thank you very much! Good luck to you, as well.

Date: 2014-03-11 03:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jenandbronze.livejournal.com
FMs or any kind of auto-immune disorders/conditions are definitely a mystery! I know quite a few folks who deal with "fibro-fog"... It is interesting you mention dealing with pain after undergoing surgical procedures. I have had heart surgery as a baby, but that didn't affect me in any way or form, then I had a 12-hour back surgery inserting rods to correct the curvature of my spine, but now I deal with arthritis in my back and some muscle cramps... my parents thought it was a great decision at the time, but yah, I warned them that later on I'd develop the issues I deal with, and I also have dislocated my left shoulder a few times, so that's also another type of pain (mainly more noticeable during cold weather). I have also deale with repetitive stress and carpal tunnel, but that's gone now, as it disappeared over time. It was stress-induced and never did undergo surgery to correct it as the neurologist said my wrists were too weak to undergo it (!!??!!), now I'm arthritic in my wrists, some days are harder, mainly, again, in the winter months. I don't deal with much pain in the spring/summer/fall.

I wish you luck in your journaling journey and hopefully LJ Idol will help you with your reflections.

Date: 2014-03-11 01:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
My cousin had a rod put in her back for scoliosis when she was 12 and her body started rejecting it and all kinds of stuff. She's fine now, I mean she's a grown woman now with no issues that I'm aware of. But I also have scoliosis to a much lesser degree and I remember my mom being so worried that I'd have to have the same thing done. Luckily (if you can call it lucky) I just suffer minor pain in my mid-back sometimes where the curve is.

Anyway, thank you, and good luck to you as well!

Date: 2014-03-12 01:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whipchick.livejournal.com
Good luck and glad you're here - I hope word-making will help.

Date: 2014-03-12 01:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Thank you, I hope so too!

Date: 2014-03-12 01:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] reborn-spirit.livejournal.com
I totally understand the brain fog. I have MS. I also have friends with FM. I can't imagine the constant pain.
Good luck to you!

Date: 2014-03-12 01:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Thank you, and good luck to you as well!

Date: 2014-03-12 07:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jem0000000.livejournal.com
*hugs and hot tea*

Date: 2014-03-12 10:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Thanks. :) I like Earl Grey!

Date: 2014-03-12 09:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alycewilson.livejournal.com
Welcome aboard. It's a difficult problem, one that a couple of my friends have. I'm glad that you've joined LJ Idol; it is a great way to unburden yourself.

Date: 2014-03-12 10:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Thanks! And I do hope to get some good prompts and do the best I can!

Date: 2014-03-12 10:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cheshire23.livejournal.com
Chronic pain is so aggravating. I wonder if the kindling theory that is sometimes talked about with epilepsy also applies? (The idea is once the brain starts on a pattern of seizures it's more inclined to keep doing that; this may be true of pain as well.) Mine isn't fibro but has to do with an injury 22 years ago that never healed properly. Frustrating stuff.

Date: 2014-03-13 12:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Very frustrating. I had what I like to call a "psychedelic freakout" just this past Saturday because it's hard to realize you can't do all of the same things you used to do just last year. I find my pain to be a shortcoming, and I don't like it.

Date: 2014-03-13 01:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] roina-arwen.livejournal.com
Sorry to hear about the medical issues - I've got one or two friends with Fibro, and it isn't easy. I have diabetes (type 1) so I understand about chronic issues on my own behalf too.

So what's on the schedule after "Pride & Prejudice"?

Great closing line, btw. :)

Date: 2014-03-13 08:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Thank you!

I actually don't have a set reading schedule. I'm open to recommendations for my April book!

Date: 2014-03-13 02:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tonithegreat.livejournal.com
You've written beautifully about what you're going through here. I wish you well and look forward to reading you.

Date: 2014-03-13 08:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Thank you very much!
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Date: 2014-03-15 04:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Thank you! And yeah, I hate letting on that I can't always do everything I used to. But sometimes I just waddle when I walk and it's really obvious!

Date: 2014-03-16 01:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] oceanbluesun.livejournal.com
I had no idea you had your galbladder out last year. I feel sincerely horrible. I'm so sorry I had not paid enough attention to you. I'm really am.
I hope your health improves.
Despite not talking to you in a while, you and Serge still pop in my head at least once a week.

Hang in there and take care.

Date: 2014-03-16 02:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sensitivinferno.livejournal.com
Well, I didn't know you changed your LJ name again.

But yeah, I talked about it on here and FB a lot...had surgery June of last year and it sucked. I really wouldn't wish it on anyone. Especially people who sleep on their stomach, lol.

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From: [identity profile] oceanbluesun.livejournal.com - Date: 2014-03-16 04:11 pm (UTC) - Expand
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